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  • Political, pet and other jokes for patriots

    PLEASE.... I encourage you to add any new jokes to this thread, but PLEASE refrain from using profanity or crude language. FUNNY is usually better if it is only suggestive without resorting to the more disgusting or base words in the English Language.
    Example:
    HILLARY VIDEO

    So a guy walks into his favorite bar and the bartender says. What’ll you have?”

    “The usual.” He replies as he sits on a bar stool.

    “What’s the matter, Dude?” He says to the bartender. “You seem like you are down a bit.”

    “It’s because of the weekend shift.” The bartender replied. “I was here for an extra hour because it seems to take forever to get the customers out of here even after we have long since given last call.”

    “I have an idea for you.” The customer said. “Why don’t you get on YouTube right after last call, and put a Hillary Clinton campaign speech on all of the TV monitors in the whole bar.”

    “That might just work! I’ll try it!” the bartender said.

    A week later the same customer returned to the bar. “How did it go?” He asked.

    “Putting Hillary on all of the TV’s sure got the customers out of here in a flash, but we wound up having to stay for an extra THREE hours.”

    “Why three hours?” asked the customer.

    The bartender stared at him and replied, “Because the whole crew had to stay late to clean up all of the vomit!”

    (The following five are dedicated to Pam's cat, 'Deep State').

    (ONE)
    “I think that my cat might be Narcoleptic.”
    “How would you know?”

    (TWO)
    A cat walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Its Happy Hour. Would you like a double-shot of milk?”
    The cat replies, “No thanks. I just need a little nip.”

    (THREE)
    A cat limps into a cowboy bar and the bartender asks, “Can I help you?”
    The cat says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my Paw.”

    (FOUR)
    A cat and a dog each were left equal amounts of money when their keeper passed away. The dog spent ALL of his cash on a near lifetime supply of fish, chicken, steak and cheese to be delivered to the house daily. The cat spent HALF of his money on bribing the Dog Catcher.

    (FIVE)
    It was chow time, so a guy goes out and calls his dog who was playing in the garden. The dog comes in and runs to his bowl. The dude then calls the cat who was lounging on top of the car. The cat stands, stretches and saunters into the house to his dish. The dog looks at the cat and says, “I did not know that you would come when you were called.”
    The cat glared back at him and said, ” I came in because I was hungry. Did somebody call me?”

    PETER STRZOCK'S "GIFT"

    What was one of the first things that Peter Strzock was given after being sent to prison?
    He realized that he was holding the cattle prod that had 'disappeared' from the prison rodeo a month earlier, despite the fact that some of the other inmates had Zip-tied his hands and fingers to his ankles.

    HILLARY AND HELL

    Hillary may never go to Hell. Satan probably will not let her in because he is afraid she will try to steal his job.
    ...but maybe she will get there after all. Rumor has it that Satan has prepared a special place for her in the bottom of the inescapable pit beneath Hell's main outhouse.

    POOR LITTLE LIBERAL

    Why was the little liberal so very upset?
    He had left his participation trophies in the cry room and somebody had redistributed them.

    PLEASE NOTE: I AM GOING TO MOVE THIS THREAD TO THE "LOUNGE" AREA. THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE A BETTER AREA FOR IT THAN HERE.
    THANKS ALL - MYRTLE'S PET
    Last edited by Myrtle's Pet; 08-02-2018, 16:34.
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